Thursday 18th October 2012

Today has been one of those days you just wanna grab and stab. In fact its been one of those few months, but today was the worst of all. 

It all started to deteriorate just over a week a go, when my mentally abusive ex decided to start bullying me for money. (If it wasn't for a couple of people supporting me I would still be in this predicament... I am so thankful...) I told him i owe him nothing which I don't think i do... because I pay all of the bills in that fucking house! EVEN THOUGH I AINT LIVING THERE!!! Anyways... he bugged me none stop while i was away with my new partner, for a whole week.. then the past few days it got worse, ringing and texting every 30 seconds to 30 minutes... I did turn off my phone a lot of the time but why the fuck should i turn MY phone off? It's like he still think he owns me... well fuck him because he aint getting me back EVER!

Then today it got at the peek of all i could handle... to the point i changed my number and had to threaten the bastard with the police....THREE TIMES!... Now I can't handle a lot of things, but this, this was one of those things i wanted to open the door and kill him for, I had nothing when we got together and i again have nothing now... So what the fuck more does he want? urine? blood? cum????!?!?! I can't give him any of those, because for 1 i hate him and for 2 he isn't worth my body. He ruined my life.. i gave up everything for him, school, work, my mental health... It's never ending with that selfish prick... 

Not only has that been happening but my little sister, has become very nasty, and we have recently discovered someone who she met 2 weeks a go is buying her things and giving her hugs, this person is a fat man who owns a business at the bottom of the high street that isn't even good, the price list is cheap enough for any child to go in and spend their money on.. what if he's done it before? what if he's grooming my sister to hate me and my mother? She doesn't see this though, because she is only 12 and everything 12 year old kids do are rebellious and ignorant to the reality. I only worry because when i was around her age a similar thing happened to me... what if it happens or is happening to her? I dread to think :/

I guess I will wrap this up... but this isn't half of it, i can't handle it, but i know i have to because of my lover and my family and friends... if i give up now, i'd have wasted my life more than i already think i have done.

Sev x